Where I add another word to the English language

But first.

Isn’t there somthing absolutely lovely about the word “and”? I mean think about it. Joining two words in peaceful matrimony, sometimes I think “and” is a bit like that gentle priest who marries off ’em loverbirds.

Or sometimes, “and” can be this completely hyper-ventillating and over-stressed receptionist, depserately trying to join two opposing words in one sentence. Stretching out her limbs, trying to hook one word with her hand and the other with her toes.

Or maybe “and” is this deep-voiced negotiator. “Now calm down Ugly. Same for you, Pretty. Am quite sure we can find a solution to this god awful mess”. Ya, so “and” has a Southern drawl. Fuck you, he does.

Anyway the word of the day is “phone-raped” which is where you get violated over the phone. The perpetrators of this heinious crime are generally females within the 19-26 age group, typically prone to random pitch-tone changes. The victim tends to suffer fro shattered ear drums and/or a confusion of “what-did-i-do” with “whatever it is, I did it wrong” and a general feeling of helplesness and despair.

There is however, a theory which says that some phone-rape victims ask for it. For example, any sentences holding the lines “Your haircut is dumb” or “Your friend Tina is so humpilicious” or “Turning 25! QUARTER PIECE!!!!” is termed as “asking for it”.

I get phone-raped once in a while. Normally when I least expect it.

There is this superb placed called “Malabar Kitchen” near Escorts which serves the most awesomest Beef biryani I have ever had. Oh and their beef fry with parotas and that super-sexy chicken gravy with the warm smell of coconut. Yummy.

Long live ’em Mallus.