Where I am once again reminded why I have so few friends

Scoobs, Scoobs friend/colleague and me sitting in an auto, heading towards Hauz Khaus Village (yup, Naveydyam has officially become my comfort food place).

Me is asking Scoobs friend, who is from Whiteland, what made him work at the place he is working at. And he replies “Oh I have a friend who recommended it” and Scoobs interjects “Arre Seema dude, that prof’s daughter” and I look at Scoobs and ask (in what I thought was a low voice), “Oh the ugly one?”.

Scoobs gives me one of the most diplomatic silences I have ever heard.

Those were a few tense moments in that auto I tells you.

I dont like the fact that the word “sweat” does not have a good past tense version. Sweat-ted just does not cut the cake for me. It just does not.

Which reminds me of the time I was threatened by this scary woman with a knife. Gave me a look, pulled out a knife and said something like “shut up or I will kill you” or something like that. And then went back to eating her fish n chips. Interesting dinner.

You wondering if this is true? Are you? Are you? Would it bug you if it was just made up? Would it? would it? Idiot.

I like the phrase “fuck my life”. It has a very nice, pity thing going  for it. fml

I am compulsively listening to the song “Dil to Bacha hai”. Wah wah. So gentle and naughty and with this gorgeous little undercurrent of “waltzing” (that’s not a word? Sue me) beat to it.

I once tried to learn how to play the guitar (Okay I tried more than once). I was taught by this crazily cranky old man who would smoke a lot. And every now and then he would break out into this long rant about world war II and pilots or something like that. His rants were not very comprehensible and, looking back, I think that his marbles were in the habit of taking a walk every now and then.

Guitar lessons will always have this mightily scary association for me. Walking back from one of the classes, I saw a group of girls hanging around the place. One familiar face in them. Friend of a friend who I had pissed off/hurt or some shit like that. So this friend of the friend had rounded up her homies and decided to teach me a lesson. I don’t know what exactly the lesson was, coz after a few minutes they all packed into a car and left. She did show me her middle finger as the car zoomed away though.

Such pleasant memories my childhood is made of.

You think this is true? Wondering who this could be? Piss off-er!

Speaking of which, so a few years ago I gathered up the testicular fortitude to call this girl up. Am at the station and sweating bricks and she picks up and I says “Hi” and she says “hello” and I says “Umm so ya this is kro…you know from…” and she says “uhh…..oh yeah okay” and so I says “Ya so I am going to be in calcutta for a couple of days so would you like to meet? and she says …..WAIT FOR IT………

 

WAIT FOR IT

 

 

 

 

 

 

….she says “Is this a joke?”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT THE (MOTHER) FUCK DUDE!

I still have her number. Saved in code. Under the name of “sam” and with a zero in between each of the real digits. So just in case someone goes through my phone, is curious to find out who “sam” is and notes down the number and then calls, they will never know who it is.

Ya, so I might not make it into MI-6 anytime soon.

Most rich law firms have this practice of “secoundment” where they send you off to their overseas offices so that you can learn something new. I never trusted that word. Sounds a bit suspicious to me, “secoundment”. Like someone coming second and then being tripped and banging their head into a metal pillar.

One of my most respected (real respect) seniors is doing her secoundment in London. I like her a lot because she has absolutely zero tolerance for bullshit. She sees right through me and tells me the truth. Last time I met her, she bought me filter coffee at this simple, old-fashioned place in Fort and looked me straight in the eye and said “Listen, don’t kid yourself and do not ever forget your dreams”….or something like that.

This tiny, cute little cupcake visited the office the other day. Must have been a year or so old and she just talked and talked and talked. Except I could not make out a single word. Did not stop her for a minute, she just went on and on. Complete gibberish. Like one of my professors. Except this one had totally pinchable cheeks and a ROUND face….well sorta like one of my profs.

Tomatoes cost 40 bucks a kilo today. Fuck inflation. Which, if you say it slowly, could mean that you are pissed off at “flation”

bwahahahaahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahaha

I should get out more often.