Where the straws simply refuse to work, a sudden strike throwing everyone and everything into startled confusion

Straws that refuse to work.

In my list of things that can fuck up the world, non-working straws rank pretty much up there with the most effective. Yes, I do have a list like that. No, I am not going to share it with you. No, I am not making this shit up. Fuck you.

So anyway.

Yeah, those non-working straws. Straws on Strike. SoS.

I wonder how they would go about it. Perhaps take deep breaths and puncture themselves into redundancy. Tiny pricks (haw!) that can’t be spotted with the naked (haws!) eye.

Or perhaps they would breathe in just at the moment they were about to be used. Like really sucking it in, right in the gut. So that the liquid would get stuck right in the middle. Fuck that would get real annoying, real quickly.

Although it has to be said that there is a very primal glee about drinking things directly. Especially coconuts. Those fuckers are the best, because you can lift them and slam them into your face and feel the rough skin on your mouth. Feel the cool, sweet water gush into your mouth. Holding the coconut, tilting it till there is no water left.

Wiping your mouth, wiping the sweet sticky that is now stuck on your mouth.

And then, of course, wiping your t-shirt. Cause that is what we junglis do.

Oh, the t-shirt wipe. Surely one of the greatest joys in the world. Nice, shameless t-shirt wipe. There ain’t no napkin or towel in the world that can come even close to a nice t-shirt. I swear to god.

where was I?

You were here only. Your mind though…..

I think my mind ran before learning to crawl. Which kind of explains why it runs in these random, jerky, very unco-ordinated type moments. Like a full on mental case. Full on.

Fullllllllll on.

Yeah baby.

Toodles.

 

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2 Responses to Where the straws simply refuse to work, a sudden strike throwing everyone and everything into startled confusion

  1. Kro you are an awesome bitch! I call this blog as the “Seinfeld of blogs” i.e. a blog about nothing.

    • kroswami says:

      Hahaha, that is an awesome compliment. although, in my blog version of Sienfeld, there would be two Kramers, and Neuman would be thin.

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