Where we sing nursery rhymes in the darkness, clutching our knives and waiting for the victims

Heyzoos man.

That almost scared the bejesus out of me. Almost. I don’t do horror movies. I just don’t. Especially post sundown. You can have the brightest lights in the whole frikkin world but sundown is sundown.

You can’t fight the moonlight.

That was an actual song no? Yeah by some chick it seems. And googling the lyrics in three, two….

Deep in the dark
You’ll surrender your heart
But you know
But you know that you can’t fight the moonlight

.

Something thrilling is about to happen. (in your pants? – Ed).

I think suspense is like the slightly mean and demented cousin of hope. Like Suspense did not get the love and positive attention while growing up, and mostly spent his childhood catching flies and sticking them with fevicol while they were still alive (is this about your childhood kro? Because there are professionals who can help you with this kind of shit – Ed)

Or maybe Suspense was like this average to ugly looking kid, and Hope was all gorgeous and angelic, and hence got all the attention at the kiddies parties. Maybe.

Speaking of which, have you gone to a kiddies party recently? Those fuckers are animals man. Absolute animals. First of all, god alone knows who thought it made sense to give those fuckers unlimited coke and ice cream. It is a bit like watching people on free cocaine. Except these fuckers are smaller AND can get away with running around without any direction while screaming shit that no one can understand.

I think it is all about being able to get away. That is what really defines an action. Like the end is the means, if you know what I means.

Mins? Mins what only. Mins that only. That there was shit only.

I love the Madrasi style only.

Its like “only” has been ripped apart from the dimension it was created in, and then inserted into this new one where the rules are completely different and what “only” means is also different.

Think about it. How the fuck did “only” become something that is placed at the very end of the sentence, and that too with some super sexual emphasis.

He only! He only molested my plants while they were being watered (oh the non-veg joke spiral that last sentence inspired)

That only!

.

Okay brothers and sisters. I think I would like to address a crowd beginning with those terms. Kind of like a priest or the head of some mildly psychotic cult. Like one which encourages chess playing while also forcing you to shave your head. Bald headed chess players association.

And everyday, there would be this inspirational speech given by yours truly. Looking out, into a sea of baldies carrying chess pieces in plastic bags, I would begin the day’s inspiration by saying “”Okay brothers and sisters”

I wonder if chess players trash talk. I am sure they do, but then how do they get away with it. Do they mumble it under their breath, but then the referee is like right there. Maybe they hold the chess pieces in some sort of vulgar fashion. Or make the pawns hump the elephant or something like that.

“Oooo see what my pawn is doing” or “My elephant gonna destroy your camel (toe?) mofo. From the back”

Jesus kro where do you come up with this shit.

In the bushes bro. While I wait. Singing nursery rhymes. Waiting for the victims.

Ta-daa!

 

 

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This entry was posted in do you really close your eyes when you pee, mera naam johnny hai, Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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