Just today I was thinking that I should make a list of smart comebacks. Or string together some words that sound like a retort but are not actually one.
Something like, “When the jo is dough, you gotta go” or “Hey, so who made you the atomiser?” or “Oh yeah? Well tootbrushes can sing in May so hmphhhhhh”
Evidently, I need to put some more thought into this.
Then, then what else. Twooo many cups of coffee today means I am pissing more water than the Niagara falls. Swear to Heyzoos man. And then there is the whole zipper thing with pants. Can get really stressful. Trust me ya’al. It can.
Went to a hospital the other day. Doctor said I need to improve my lifestyle. Bastard pointed at my paunch while saying this.
Oh well, I suppose a direct doctor is better than a subtle one.
“So Mr. Kro. How is your heart today?”
“Well the results have come out. And…..have you heard about something called the bucket list?”
You mean the movie?
OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO DIEEEEEEEEEE
Hah! I really do want to do this one full soppy scene in a hospital once. Preferably over some random dude’s dead body. “Naheeeeeeeee…….sniff snifff…….why god. WHaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiii”
And people looking at me and turning their heads this way and that, wondering where to look. Their eyes filling up with sympathy (initially) and finally with irritation (when the fuck is this fatty gonna stop bawling?).
fkfkfkfkfkkfkfkfkfkfkfkfkfkkf. And then the dead dudes’ family peeps will be like “Aye, what man?” And I will be like “Aye what man yourself bleddy.” And run out of the side door, tears drying and mixing with the snot.
So evidently I have been told to keep a normal face while meeting people. And initially I was like fukdis-shit but, of late, I have been thinking that perhaps people may have a point.
I wonder if I should get botox. That would solve the problem of having spazzy facial muscles. Motherfucker.
Oh so I was bringing Brutus back to Bangalore and it was this really pretty stretch of the highway. I think we were over a bridge and I was just looking from side to side, full happy cause it was a such a nice break from the monotonity of NH-4. And then from the corner of my eye, I see these two birds flying across me. And I am looking at them, and one of them is looking at me. Both of us are looking at each other from the corner of our eyes. And I am thinking, “Dude this bird is flying too slowly”
And then *thud*. THE BLOODY BIRD CRASHED INTO MY CHEST MAN!! and I was like wtf. And then I see this bird just flapping its wings and flying away as if everything is normal.
Fuckin funniest thing in the world. I was just bawling into my helmet for the next 10 minutes or so.
Total what the eff ho gaya bhai.