Where I stare at the feet and wonder whether toes hate each other

Was kindly invited to a party last weekend.

Realised how boring I had become when the eyelids began to droop once eleven pm arrived. Still, it was fun cause there was loud music and pretty people and just the right kind of alcohol.

I also realised that women have this absolutely fantastic ability to hear AND not to hear things. Now I do not know whether they do it deliberately or they are actually programmed that way. Whatever the reason, it is just bloody brilliant.

For example, even if you mumble something embarrassing, no matter how incoherent you are, it WILL be heard. And if you say something they don’t really want to hear, then you might as well write them letters in invisible ink using the script of the Voynich manuscript.

I really don’t know how they do it.

Speaking of which, I also realised why flirting may not exactly be something I am good at. Actually, its not the flirting that is the problem, it is the flirting well that may be a cause of concern.

So at the party, I am fully shaking my bum here and there and setting the dance floor on fire with my saaxy moves. And there is this really pretty woman in front of me and I am all like “You da maan, kro! Go Go go”

So my head starts working (this is generally where the problem originates)and I am thinking of all the saxy saxy lines I am going to use. And then my brain (hah) singles out one line and I am like “Yaaa dude” and fully get ready to use it.

Now remember, the basic premise of the line was that this woman was so pretty that I was finding it very difficult to think.

And what I say is: “Yooo sooo haawt, I distracted ehh gomppphgjgkg”

And so she goes “Ehhh? Wuh?” with this totally confused look on her face and I mumble “notheeeng zns,ms,ms” and quickly walk away.

And the worst part is I am pretty fucking sure she heard EXACTLY what I said cause I could see the semi-smile in her eyes.

WHAT THE FUCK MAN. WHY, I say, WHY?

But it is okay.

The DJ played the kolaveri song and I sang it at the top of my voice and I got a few strange looks but it was all cool cause I am awesome like that. I did not know that Mumbai loves bollywood music so much though, I always figured that it was more of a dallhi thing and that bombay-wallas are all into house and techno and all that “boom boom phunk phunk booth shhhhhh” thing (in my head that is what those songs sound like)

You live, you learn.

I also find it particularly adorable that in bombay, the word “apna” is used so commonly, particularly when it comes to giving directions. So it is  “apna woh Shivaji Park hai na, uske side mein” or “arrey, udhar hi hai bhai, apna bombay hospital ke peeche”

This is also applicable, at times, to people. “Arre bhau, apna Sachin kya kar raha hai” type comments.

I don’t know whether this possessiveness stems from the deep attachment residents form with the city or whether it is an unconsciousness reflection of the greed that this city is based on or whether there is a unsaid NEED in the city, a need to belong and to have something or someone to call your very own.

Or perhaps I am making too much out of nothing.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in How would I know?!? and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Where I stare at the feet and wonder whether toes hate each other

  1. Once a classmate asked me where I’d interned. I told her, “Arrey woh apna High Court hai na uske saamne jo galli hai, Deewar hotel ke side se jaane waali? Udhar hi hai office mera. Apne stock exchange ke theek side waali building.” Mumbai does that you. Can never bring myself to say ‘apna’ to anything in Pune….

  2. Sroyon says:

    Wow this Voynich manuscript is really cool! Hadn’t heard of it before.

    The ‘apna’ habit is a nice observation. But maybe the second guy was in fact a Birla or whoever it is that owns Bombay Hospital.

  3. a traveller says:

    It is not just women who don’t hear what they should and hear what they shouldn’t. I’m just saying.

  4. Jay says:

    “I don’t know whether this possessiveness stems from the deep attachment residents form with the city or whether it is an unconsciousness reflection of the greed that this city is based on or whether there is a unsaid NEED in the city, a need to belong and to have something or someone to call your very own.”

    Deep. Very deep.

    I’m impressed.

  5. arzkiya says:

    “Or perhaps I am making too much out of [the verbal habits of half-addled lemmings]”

    • arzkiya says:

      I hate these blasted quotation marks!

      • kroswami says:

        @L&F: yup yup. hear that all the time, especially when it comes to public monuments

        @Sroyon: I do plan on actually purchasing the damn thing some day. Or perhaps make a quick xerox of it on the sly. Sounds like fun. Also, somehow, I dont think the owners of Bombay Hospital speak like that….but then you never know.

        @Dustyrain: Fair enough.

        @Schlimmer: Missed it by thee hours. Ken ya believes it?

        @Jay-z: what to do? Shit happens.

        @Arz 1 & 2: Quakes. you are possibly the only one who can get pissed of at punctuation marks. Really. I think those shorts have been riding even higher than normal. Calm down you ducking fastard.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s