Where we stand like our photos are being taken, at attention with our arms by our side and wooden expressions on our faces

No seriously.

I am still amazed at the number of people who go into “military mode” once a camera is picked up. And they will stand just like that: arms to the side, vacant expression on their faces.

And it gets worse with old couples. They will have so much distance between themselves that you could almost believe that 40 yrs earlier they had not been banging each other silly (and probably still are)

What the fuck man. Who goes around teaching people to pose like that? Who? Who?

I have a feeling its the same person who teaches people to rub their belly when they have eaten a lot. Not sure about that though. Further investigation required. May pose a few problems though; people don’t really like their involuntary reactions to be questioned.

Oh and another thing: the ability to join two words does not necessarily reflect genius. Especially in advertisements. I mean what is wrong with you people? Really? Do you want to talk about it? Should I lower the blinds and put some comforting music on so you can vent your true feelings?

I wonder if your brain is capable of lying to you. And if it is, whether it does it just to fuck with you. For instance:

Eyes to brain: “Sir, banana peel 10 feet ahead sir. In direct path. Sir”

Brain: “Let the motherfucker slip and fall….gheeehahahahahahahahaha”

And then the bum and back muscles are like “Oh noooooo……Brain tell the feet brain, tell the feet”

And then Brain is like “No fucking way…with the last joint he just killed a trillion of my little babies” (Note: This blog now comes with a free, hypocritical social message. Naice!)

I wonder if red blood cells have feelings and how they would feel about white blood cells. For me, white blood cells will always be these real pissed of fuckas. “Where is it? Where is the Outsider??? Whaaaar? Im gonna kill that son of a bitch” (Err thats what they think when you have rabies)

Ok fine. So i did not pay that much attention in biology class. Fuck you.

Ooooo which reminds me of the time this friend of mine got bitten by a dog and had to take rabies shots and I was like “How did you get bitten” and she was like “The dog just appeared out of nowhere and bit me” and I would have replied but I was too busy laughing my bum off.

Rabies. Fuck. That is pretty funnay.

Also funny was the time this uncle of mine was telling me about this car accident that he was involved in. And how after the accident he had to have a metal rod inserted in his leg and for two months he just had to lie in the same position. And in my head I was going “khmph hahaha khmphffff” cause it just seemed so funny.

Imagine your life in just one position, without being able to know what is going on outside. Without the ability to step outside. Just outside. To live.

Hey wait a minute.

I consider having a short attention span my greatest virtue (amongst countless others I assure you). I mean those dogs in “Up” with their “Hey squirrel”…that is me most of the time. And then I read this.

I have a deep hatred for bluetooth thingies. They make people look totally mental. Especially if they are driving. Freaks me out to see the chap in the car right next to mine blabbering about. As if he is talking to his rear view mirror. Bluetooth headsets should come with some sort of neon light which clothes the user’s body in light. So everyone knows it.

Oooooo what if someone inserted fluorescent (fuck that is a spelling bee eliminator) virus into our bloodstream? So there would be these random “infected” chaps who looked like lava lamps or something.

Like I know there is all this talk about manipulation of genes and shit but I really want the day to come when you can  fine tune your genes. I mean there has to be more to being the child of two people than simply looking like them or having some common characteristics or whatever.

My future successors would have this gene which would make them go “baa baa” like sheep at random intervals. Man, that would be one short family tree. A family shrub perhaps.


Shrubs. Man they must get teased all the time. Shrubs.

That just sounds so funny.


Ok  I is gonna go practice my many accents now.


Oh and when you do have the time, do check out this chap’s site. Fuckin amazing no? Apparently he held this show in bombay where he dismantled the bike and used the bike parts as part of the display collection. res-pec.

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2 Responses to Where we stand like our photos are being taken, at attention with our arms by our side and wooden expressions on our faces

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