Sorry, you are just way too ugly

Well someone had to tell you that.

Sorry. It’s not exactly your fault, I understand that. But either you start building a time machine so that you can go back to the time when ugly was pretty or you start saving up for the plastic surgery….coz honey, you sure as hell  gonna need some of that.

Said the loving grandmother as she ran her hand through the little girl’s hair even as the little girl sat on her grandmother’s lap, shivering as the pain of the words sunk into her skin.

Saw Fast and the Furious FIVE [yeah baby, hi-fives all around, woot woot etc].

It has been a while since I have left the cinema hall feeling so refreshed. Completely brainless, total total TOTAL dik flick.

It just could not have been better (ok perhaps there could have been some more/better T&A but I ain’t really complaining)

I wonder if clocks ever get impatient. You think they tick-tock a little faster when they have somewhere to go? Or are they so loyal to their calling that they will always stick to the plan?

I wonder if there are kama-kazi clocks which just lose it and go faster and faster until they just crash and burn.

I wonder if there is some universal clock somewhere. Like the Mother of all clocks. Controlling time through her two hands. Somewhere, in the corner of some ancient room in the middle of nowhere hangs a delicate clock on the wall. So patient and so wise. And so old and so quiet. And so powerful.

Time is a really, really fucked up concept and the more I think about it the more confused I get….so i try not to think about it too often.

In less than a month I shall be heading back to bangalore for some well deserved R&R. I just can’t wait. Am planning to take the Airport Express Line. So excited about that as well.

Oooo and the other day I took the Maatro to Gurgaon and it was totally worth it coz you get to pass by the Qutub Minar and these farmland type places and there is this one place where half a building stares back at you as you go past. Looks like a post-Earthquake scenario or one of those disaster sets from Disneyworld or something like that.

I love Conan. He is just so funny. And silly. I think I like the silliness more. Or maybe thats what makes it so funny.

This “space” is becoming more and more about me and less and less about you which is kinda fine but now I am thinking that perhaps it should start making me some money.

Pay me some money.

Which reminds me. I have to start making some money. If there are any people you know who know people who could possibly put me in touch with people who will give me money, please do let me know.

I think I should take a strip-dancing course. It’s not very hard for guys to strip you know. In fact, much of the clothes are made for easy removal. T-shirts, shorts, boxers, ties etc etc. Though socks do pose a bit of a problem.

Ooooo I was thinking I should buy suspenders. Then I can go around “thwack thwack”-ing me suspenders. And feeling all melodic.

That’s the problem with suspenders though. They are just so thwackable….Unless you have a very visible gun (pls, no puns.) on the hip, you know there is a strong possibility of people coming up to you and just pulling the suspenders and snapping it back.

Ouch.

I am worried about the future of this planet. I really am.

Oooooo dudes! That new mcspicy thing. Frikkin brilliant man! I mean I think it may just be the end of the zinger burger….Ok I know this is blasphemy for some but seriously, the Colonel better do something about it. Thick, juicy fried piece of chicken covered in this crisp, spicy batter and then placed in a warm bun with some mayo!!! Good lord man.

I walked to Khan Market the other day. Thought I should get some exercise since my paunch is rising faster than the bread in Nigella’s oven (you are disgusting). So walked all the way, down Golf Links road with their super-duper sexy yummy houses.

And then had dinner at the McDees (oye oye).

Goddamit.

I have good intentions. I really do.

God swear.

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2 Responses to Sorry, you are just way too ugly

  1. i come back, after so long, and you’re the only “thing” that hasnt changed

    how it warms the heart, your delicious psychotic ramble.
    shudder to think what would become of it, if you “tried” to make sense.

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