Sonofabitch

So sonofabitch decided to lend me his cooler. For free and for as long as I would like. Which was spectacularly nice of him, I must admit.

Coolers, for those who are not in the know, are the poor-man’s AC and by “poor” I of course don’t mean the (uggh) aam aadmi with their sweaty, stinky clothes and proclivity towards procreation.

A cooler works by essentially sucking in air, treating it with water and then exhaling the cold, water laced air out. If the room ain’t too big, then it can be quite effective and while you are not guaranteed a/c like chills, it definitely makes the heat bearable.

So anyway, last night I fill the cooler with water (took me 10 trips to and fro from the loo to the cooler, with a 1.5L bottle in the hand). Turned it on, got a mild shock coz it was not earthed properly or whatever. And then the fans whirled and I knew that the night would be peaceful for once.

And then I woke up at around four in the morning with hot air being blasted all over my bum and lower regions (I sometimes sleep like that). Fucking thing DID NOT WORK!!! worse, what it was doing was sucking in the abundant hot air, doing FRIKKING NOTHING and then spitting out a little bit more of the hot air.

Sonofabitch.

Plus I awoke to the fact that I had left the door open and it was ajar and the dustbin was sprawled over the floor and then when I tried picking up the mess I found out that the ants had decided to attack the old bread piece that was there.

Sonofabitch.

Those fuckin ants attacked me roti a few nights ago. Ken ya frikkin believe that. Those whores.

Speaking of which, visited Scoobs new place in “south” delhi. The man has become a proper south dilli wallah. Office near JNU with a flat in vasant kunj. He got a real sweet deal he did. 1 room set, top floor, DDA flat with an A/c and a cooler and considerable amount of privacy. And a loo and a basin with a mirror. And a kitchen with shelves and shit. Lucky bastard.

So anyway, over pepperoni and pepsi, Scoobs was showing off the place. And telling me of the view and the a/c and the cooler and all that.

Mentioned the fact that he could see the Qutub Minar in the morning.

To which I replied “So can I, if you know what I mean *wink*”

My sense of humour is brilliant. Like fuckin brilliant. Like so fuckin mind blowing it is brilliant. Like its not funny how funny I am.

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

I love women. Really I do. If only they were not so stick-up-their-ass-ee all the time, it would be great.

Ever notice how, when people say “oh you must be there when I visit! Book your tickets na” they never, ever frikkin ever offer to pay for the ticket?

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7 Responses to Sonofabitch

  1. Thank God Bum was not attacked.

  2. mentalie says:

    i highly recommend a cold water bottle to cuddle with.

  3. anonymusketeer says:

    you’ve ever woken up to find out that –

    1. your entire body is being slow cooked because your cooler has died, because
    2. you forgot to shut the side after filling the cooler / cleaning it the night before, so
    3. a pigeon, in the manner of its retarded species, managed to fly into it and
    4. whacked the fan so hard with it’s wing that the fan was cracked, so
    5. you are left with a fat panicky pigeon shedding fuckin feathers at the rate of 3×10^8 all over your bloody cooler in fear of drowning in 1 foot of water, and pooping explosively everytime you try to get it fuckin out?

    you’ve ever woken up to that? no? i thought so.

    a counting of your blessings is scheduled in ten, nine, eight…

  4. eveline says:

    My kryptonite is appliances like air conditioners, refrigerators, ovens, and TV’s . There are things I don’t want to be responsible for, and appliances are on that list.

    Dont hate me for getting used to having AC switched on all the time. It’s so hot in B’lore right now. And creepy. And hot. Did I mention hot?

    For a cool night’s sleep, take a light t-shirt, wet it, wring it out and wear it. Evaporation from the shirt will help to keep you cool enough to sleep for a few hours. Or you could also spray water on your floor and turn on the fan. This ought to do to the trick. 🙂

  5. anonymusketeer says:

    oh. i actually commented to be helpful but got distracted by my indignation and need to be consistently whiny. here is the (possibly) helpful suggestion – you need to get khus mats and hang them in front of your windows and open doors; you can even put em on your floor. soak em in water and switch your fan on. it’ll keep your room cool and green, like an aquarium 🙂 🙂 you just need to wet the mats once every few hours. If you like the smell/taste of khus it’s even better.

    it’s like living inside a sharbat bottle. 🙂

    khus mats are ten bucks a mat. if you cant get em, you could do the same thing with old bedsheets/towels etc, but khus is awesomer. sorry for superlong comment.

    • kroswami says:

      @Ms. Mentalie: Hmmmmm perhaps one of those cold pack water thingies which you fill with hot water and “sek-o-fy” them tired muscles.

      Or if you mean an actual bottle, then I really do not want to be drinking from a bottle that has been cuddled with if you know what I mean.

      @Muska 1: your “rate” failed to have a secondary variable. Also, no I have not been woken upto the above mentioned scenario. Yet.

      @Ms. Eveline: Tried the shirt thing and the flooding the floor thing. Works for an hour or two. I WANT AN AC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      @Muska 2: the khus thing actually sounds do-able. And I would love to live in a sharbat bottle. I imagine that is how a genie would feel.

  6. Sroyon says:

    “You just need to wet the mats once every few hours”

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